Thursday, June 4, 2009

The World is a Dangerous Place

Introduction

 The world is a dangerous place. A mere step out your door and you could be dead in an instant. So many things can hit you if you go outside — wars, muggers, a misfired bullet, air pollution, a car accident caused by a drunk driver, etc. That is only half of the dangers you could face. Interactions with other people could result in overwhelming internal pain.  Your life could be filled with damaging relationships, awkward situations, backstabbing friends, and rejection from society in general.

Yet, there is hope. Although you are still at some form of risk, there is much less danger inside your house than there is outside. In your home, you are safe. Even if your family poses a threat, you can still retreat to some form of sanctuary. This is most commonly the bedroom, but it can extend to any solitary spot.

But, alas, you cannot stay in the sanctuary forever, and you will be forced to venture outside to complete highly dangerous activities such as attending public school and driving through hazardous traffic. This guide will help you to survive some of these dangerous activities.

The wise man is the man who escapes life.

 

Step 1: Never leave home

You may be tempted to leave the safety of your home to venture out into the world. You may be curious about what it’s like out there. All you are doing is wasting your time. Turn on your TV to the news and you will see that the world isn’t worth venturing out into. It is nothing but a hurtful place that will tear you to shreds in an instant. Once you step outside, making your life miserable will become the sole focus of every person in the world.

The best way to survive the world is to avoid it. Stay inside as much as possible. If you must go outside, then make your excursion brief, and quickly retreat back to your refuge. Let your parents get your food.

If you currently have friends, or if feel like you must compromise your safety to make new friends, then spend time with them in the safety of your house. Do not go outside with them. The so-called “buddy system,” the idea of safety in numbers, is a myth. It just changes the newspaper headline to “Two Children Brutally Murdered by Psychopath.” Going to a friend’s house is acceptable, depending on where he or she lives and what his or her family is like.

 

Step 2: Immerse yourself in non-threatening, solitary activities

The only thing safer than being in your home is being immersed in fantasy. If you can create an imaginary world to spend your time in, then you have reached the pinnacle of safety.

It should be clear that you will not be physically safe. A nuclear bomb could strike your home at any moment. A shift in the weather could cause a tornado or hurricane that could devastate your home. A new supervirus caused by the increasing use of antibiotics on livestock could wipe out the human race in a matter of months. You will never be completely safe.

What an escape into fantasy does is create the illusion of safety. If you retreat into your mind, then you can forget about the world’s perils. You can imagine yourself on an island having all sorts of fun and doing things that you would never attempt in the real world. What harm can come to you in a land of your own design? The world’s problems seem so far away from your island of fantasy.

There are various activities to help develop this fantasy. The most common is to immerse yourself in fiction books and video games. Typically, those have little connection to the real world. Hands-on activities like Legos, drawing, and crafts can consume countless hours and provide a sufficient escape. Remember, true safety is unattainable, but the illusion of safety granted by your imagination can be endlessly satisfying.

 

Step 3: Follow all rules and laws to the letter

One of the most important things to do when out in the world is to blend in. If you follow the rules like everyone else, then you should be safe.

Rules and laws are what keeps society from becoming much worse than it is now. In the absence of laws, anarchy and chaos would spread and there would be no safety for you. It is best to follow these laws, whether or not you agree with them.

Follow all the laws presented to you. In school, follow all the rules presented. Granted, they may not be fair. But you should let others risk their safety to protest against these rules. Your well-being is important, and if you live at home all the time, then the issues of the world should be trivial to you.

 

Step 4: Lament your unfulfilled life

Look back at your life and realize how boring it was, how unfulfilling your childhood has been, how many opportunities you never took advantage of. The only memories that you have are of playing video games, watching TV, and drawing pictures that you never showed anyone. But even those memories will fade away, as you have repeated the same activities so often that years seem to have passed by without you noticing. Your memories of how you spent your time are about as interesting as your memories of grocery lists.

Accept this painful truth, and acknowledge that, no matter how rich a life you lead now, you will never be able to re-live those childhood years.

You are free to blame whoever you want for your uneventful childhood (overprotective parents, standardized school, restricting government, the pedophiles and murderers and everyone else that put you in danger, etc.), but you must keep in mind that the decision to stay indoors was yours. Your parents and teachers told you to go inside, but it was you who closed the door behind you.

 

Step 5: Resolve to live a better life from now on

You may have had a boring childhood, but there is still a whole world out there, and it’s not too late to go enjoy it. The world has not ended yet, and it may never end in your lifetime.

Don’t let your early mistakes hamper your current decisions. Instead, use those mistakes as a drive to live better. Learn from your previous mistakes so your future choices are better.

Remember, it always pays to be safe. You can live a much better life if you are safe. But your life could end at any time. The nuclear power plant could go Chernobyl. The burger you ordered could have a razor blade in it. You could trip on the sidewalk and your head could split open.

Once you have accepted the fragility of your own life, you can then proceed to live in a way that is much more worthwhile. You can permit yourself to savor each day that doesn’t end with your brains on the sidewalk. You can be thankful that the sunset you saw wasn’t the last one before you got hit by a car. If you accept these things, then you can live a safe and fulfilling life.

The world is a dangerous place. But there is no greater joy than experiencing it.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Or Does it Explode?

This was a story I wrote for my Fiction Writing class last winter in my sophomore year. If you have any suggestions or advice about the story or my writing, feel free to comment on it.

            The old high school stands like a tombstone under the damp, gray sky. The building’s dull red brick walls are now covered with graffiti, yet nobody seems to care since the school is slated for demolition in a month. All of the windows have been either broken or removed by a combination of vandals and workers gutting the school for its parts. The school had been shut down a year ago when the school board deemed it unhealthy. But to the two young men standing on the broken pavement of the parking lot, it seems like the building was abandoned longer than that.

            “Kinda sad, isn’t it, Lenny?” says the dark-haired man. He scans the structure decaying before him as he shivers a little beneath his brown jacket and hoodie. Looking down at his faded jeans, he sees the parking lot crumbling beneath him. He waits for a response from Lenny as the chilly air of late autumn continued to bite at his face. Lenny pulls out a cigarette and lights it, then looks back up at the building.

            “Yeah, it sucks,” Lenny replies, inhaling the smoke. “They could have saved it, y’know? They could have repaired it, or at least built it better in the first place. But no, the city doesn’t give a shit about us. And now, we have to watch them tear down our high school where we spent some of the best years of our lives at.” He inhales the smoke again, this time a little longer. “It’s like burying your fucking dog.”

            Lenny looks around at the surrounding landscape as his friend continues to stare at the school. Several houses are mixed in with the daycare and dentist office across the street. Past the field in the park stands a collective of trailers on a hill, with some of them rusting in different areas. Directly behind Lenny is a power transformer, its hulking, rusty frames piercing the skyline as the cables stretch out across the suburb. Finishing his cigarette, he gets out another one but hesitates. He thinks about how he might become addicted and then having to quit because he couldn’t afford all those cigarettes. He puts the pack into his coat and decides to save it for later when he needs it. With the way this day is going, he thinks to himself, I’ll probably need it sooner than I think.

            “Alright, Jay,” Lenny says, breaking the silence. “You ready to go?”

            “Yeah,” Jay replies, turning towards the car and climbing into the passenger seat. As the car pulls away from the school, Jay turns to get another look at the building. The school seems to sink into the ground as they drive down the small hill. He looks over at his friend who is focusing on the road, his brown, ragged hair falling onto his shoulders and leather jacket. The jacket isn’t authentic leather, Jay knew, but it was a cheap price at Goodwill.

            “So, you still going to the concert?” Lenny asks.

            “I still have my ticket,” Jay replies.

            “Awesome,” Lenny says, his face stretching into a large grin. “This concert is going to be so fucking awesome, and it will get us out of the Midwestern swamp for a while.”

            “Chicago is in the Midwest,” Jay says.

            “No, it’s different,” Lenny says as he turns right. “Chicago? It is an alive and vibrant beast. Here? Toledo? Dead a long time ago.”

            “Well, I’m just glad to leave for a while,” Jay says. “I think I’ve been here too long.”

            “Being here for more than a day is too long,” Lenny says.

            “Yeah, ain’t that the truth,” Jay replies. “But seriously, there are days where I don’t want to get out of bed at all, just sleep through the whole day. Skip my job and have my parents pay for the heat while I sleep until I die.”

            “I know what you mean,” Lenny says. “I know exactly what you mean, because every weekend I sleep for like seventeen hours before I get out of bed.”

            Jay leans his head against the window of the car as Lenny drives in silence. Abandoned businesses line the street while some places hang on by a thread. Some stores are open out of convenience or the necessity of what they sell, but other stores are having clearance sales and preparing to abandon this town for better places.

            “Pull over into this parking lot,” Jay says.

            Lenny looks over to his right and sees the abandoned Southwyck mall. Not like we have anything else to do, he thinks, and agrees to the sudden detour. Despite the fact that the lines of the parking lot had faded away a long time ago, Lenny finds a spot and turns off the engine. For a second, they just stare at the building before them. Then Jay climbs out of the car while Lenny yanks the keys out of the ignition and follows him out. Jay walks a little towards the mall before he stops and stretches his arms outward, as if to present the building to Lenny as proof of what he always believes.

            “It’ll all be gone soon, y’know,” Jay says, his back to Lenny who is leaning on the side of the car. “This city, I mean. More people are leaving because there’s nothing interesting to do. Just constantly buying useless crap at Wal-Mart and getting girls pregnant as soon as they turn eighteen.”

            His arms fall back down to his sides.

             “Y’know, in high school, it was bearable because we had all our friends with us,” he says as he turns to Lenny. “Now, everyone’s either in college or in the army, yet we’re stuck here.”

            “Dude, I’m fucking poor,” Lenny says, giving a slight gesture to his used car. “But you could have gone to college. Your parents had money.”

            “I didn’t get enough scholarships,” Jay replies, “and I wasn’t going to god damn Owens or UT. If I was to go to college, I would have wanted to live somewhere else.” He turns his eyes to the gray sky that is growing darker. “So much for that decision. At least having some classes with my friends might have distracted me from this decaying city.” His gaze drifts over to the cars passing back and forth on the avenue.

            “Fuck, I don’t know, man,” Lenny says, taking out another cigarette and lighting it. “I just want to leave. Army, job, become a goddam hobo, whatever gets me the hell away from here.”

            For a while there is nothing but the soft sound of cars rushing back and forth and the occasional honk or screech. Lenny finishes his cigarette and looks at his friend who is still staring at the mall.

            “Man, are you done?” Lenny says. “We have to get ready for the party tonight, remember? Chris Nelson is coming back from college? We were going to pay him a visit? Remember?”

            “Alright,” Jay says, making his way back to the car. The engine’s voice cracks as Lenny turns the key. The sky becomes darker as they pull away from the mall.

 

            Toledo is made up of nothing but houses, Jay thinks, and the city likes it that way. They like that all its residents are pacified and content to live in their houses forever, rotting away on sofas and easy-chairs while watching MTV or “American Idol” or some pointless bullshit like that. The drive to the party isn’t helping to convince Jay otherwise, as the only scenery is houses, with the exception of the liquor store and bar at the intersection. He imagines the houses as a new kind of prison block, and everyone in the neighborhood is an inmate.

            Jay turns his thoughts to the concert this weekend. His face grows into a smile. I am so pumped for this, he thinks. The Killers, in Chicago, on their Sam’s Town tour. I cannot imagine a better way to spend my short vacation than this, except maybe leaving Toledo forever and getting a house or apartment. And a music store. I have to work at a music store. God damn Toledo politicians practically kicked Peeler’s Music out of business. That is some serious bullshit, there is no place for me to work now. I cannot stand working at these minimum wage jobs with the constant fear of termination.

            Know what else I’m not excited about, Jay thinks, is seeing everybody else at this party.

            The tightly packed houses and narrow streets cause Jay to feel claustrophobic as he drives through the neighborhood. After finding a spot on the street to park and checking the locks twice, Jay makes his way up to the house. This part of town has a higher crime rate, so he feels nervous as he walks on the concrete path. His neighborhood has mostly older people in it with a few new families moving in to raise a child. In a way, he feels grateful that the part of Toledo he lives in is nicer than here.

            Jay knocks on the door and looks back at the street while waiting for someone to answer. He thinks about checking the locks on his car again when someone opens the door. The guy standing before Jay is wearing dark jeans made for a girl with a studded belt and a black shirt that reads “Fall Out Boy.” His hair is dyed black to a point where it no longer looks real. A small silver ring pierces his nose.

            “Hey, Jay,” the guy says. “Come on in, party’s started.”

            Jay nods and follows the guy into the house. The living room is dark and dreary, with the only light coming from the TV and the doorway to the kitchen. The couch is a sickly brown color with depressions made by its previous occupants. He looks around the room and sees that no one is watching the TV.

            “The party’s downstairs,” the guy says, gesturing to the door with one hand. “There are snacks up here,” a hand lazily pointing in the direction of the kitchen counter, which is covered with bags of Doritos and pretzels and several plastic bottles of soda. “So help yourself to whatever.”

            “Thanks, Rob,” Jay replies, his eyes avoiding Rob’s.

            Jay descends into the basement with Rob leading the way. The basement is like a small cavern, with no carpeting or drywall or any décor to hide the concrete floors and walls. The ceiling looms only a few inches above Jay’s head. He scans the small crowd who, despite the cramped conditions for about nine people, has dispersed into separate conversations.

            There’s the couch activity, Jay thinks, where they will sit on the couch and occasionally talk about irrelevant bullshit. God, it seems like they attempt to pile as many people onto that couch as possible, like some kind of “Most people in a telephone booth contest.” There’s Frankie who is cuddling with that dumbass Jeremy who just got done piercing his ears with safety pins as well as whatever other stunts get him killed. Seems like they’re a perfect match since Frankie isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed are they dating I can never figure that out because that cuddling position on the couch is so ambiguous and –

            “Jay, what is up man!” Lenny says with his arm around Jay’s shoulder, his other hand holding a beer. “Glad you came.”

            “Hey, Lenny,” Jay says. “Hey, are Frankie and Jeremy dating?” Lenny looks over at the two on the couch.

            “Might be. Seems odd that she would go back to dating so soon.”

            “Yeah, but she doesn’t seem all that bright.”

            “It’s not entirely her fault, man,” Lenny replies, turning his gaze on his friend. “Scott is partially to blame as well.”

            There is a pause from Jay. He scratches his dark hair as he looks over at Frankie again, then to Lenny. “Where is Scott? Did he leave?”

            “I haven’t heard from him in a while,” Lenny says, “but it’s best if you don’t bring his name up tonight.”

            Jay’s eyes move over to a man with long hair and an upright posture. His light yellow button-down shirt and brown pants sticks out among the dark clothing and slouching.

            “Is that Chris!?” Jay says, his mouth growing into a smile. “He looks so different with the long hair.”

            “A lot has changed with the guy,” Lenny says. “If it wasn’t for his driver’s license saying he’s the same Chris from high school, I wouldn’t believe it.” He glances at Chris, and then turns back to Jay. “He isn’t as goofy as before. He’s much more serious. He hasn’t gone partying for like three months.”

            “Really?” Jay says.

            “Yeah, I think it has something to do with his Philosophy minor,” Lenny says. “Probably discovered God doesn’t exist or something that crippled his optimism. I dunno, he’s kind of an ass now.” Lenny takes another look at Chris, and then lowers his voice. “I don’t know what it is, but when he looks at you, it’s like you’re an insect. Like he’s above us.”

            “Maybe he is,” Jay replies.

            “What do you mean?” Lenny says, his brow furrowing.

            “Nothing.” Jay says, then glances over at the slouching figure talking to Chris. “Do you know what’s going on with Rusty? What’s he been up to lately?”

            “Oh, I dunno, I guess just working at Wal-Mart and playing video games,” Lenny replies. “I think he might be considering enlisting, though.”

            “Really?” Jay says as his eyebrows rose. “I never could see Rusty in the military.” Rusty is wearing a black shirt and a dark pair of jeans with a studded belt over his slim frame. As he runs his hand through his hair while talking to Chris, Jay notices the large amount of bracelets and rubber bands on his wrist.

            “Well, he’s been asking a lot of questions about the army,” Lenny says. “And he hates working at Wal-Mart. I mean, he despises it. Don’t even ask him ‘How’s it going?’ He will go on an hour-long rant about the evils of Wal-Mart.”

            “Why doesn’t he find a new job?” Jay says.

            “I dunno,” Lenny says, taking another swig from his drink. “Probably not enough good ones. But like I said, asking anything even remotely work-related will set him off. So I don’t even bother asking.”

            Over at the couch, another dark figure goes to sit on the armrest in silence with Jeremy and Frankie. None of them seem to have a thing to say to each other.

            “Is Rusty still in the band?” Jay asks.

            “No, the band broke up,” Lenny replies. “See Rodney over there.” Jay’s eyes follow Lenny’s finger to the lanky figure sitting against the far wall, having a beer with a girl.

            “He’s been getting into pot and it’s messing him up,” Lenny continues, lowering his finger. “Once his problems began to affect the band’s performance, it was all over.” Lenny walks over to the cooler on the floor and grabs another beer.

            “I mean, sure, they weren’t very popular outside of their friends,” Lenny says, “and they didn’t practice a lot.” He takes a drink. “But, y’know, it had some potential. They did come in third place at a Battle of the Bands.”

            “Yeah,” Jay replies, looking over at the slumping figure of Rodney, his hand rubbing the thigh of the girl next to him. She is just sitting there, beer in her hand, her head leaning against his shoulder.

            “Who is that?” Jay asks with a loose gesture towards the girl. Chris and Rusty’s conversation seems to have ended, as Rusty moves towards Jay and Lenny while Chris ascends up the stairs.

            “That’s Jenna,” Lenny replies. “You’ve seen her before. She’s two years behind us.”

            “What’re you two doing in the corner,” Rusty says, grinning at the two as more of a friendly gesture than genuine happiness. “How’s it going, Jay? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

            “Oh, you know, I’ve just been, uh, hanging around, relaxing. How are, uh, what’s going on with Jenna and Rodney?” Rusty looks over at the couple for a few seconds.

            “I’m not sure,” Rusty replies. “But it looks like they’re both going to get drunk,” he says with a frown. “Again,” he adds. “I mean, they’ve been dating for a while, if that’s what you mean. Did you know that?”

            “No, I didn’t.” Rodney’s arm moves around Jenna’s waist.

            “Yeah, they’ve been dating for a month and a half, I think,” Rusty continues. “Seriously, though, Jenna has been partying a lot harder with Rodney. She’s getting drunk all the time, and has even smoked some pot with him.” Rusty shakes his head a little. “Stupid.”

            “Yeah,” Lenny adds. “Oh, by the way, we’re going to Chicago.” Rusty is shocked, then he grins at how causally Lenny had said it.

            “Cool, man,” Rusty says. “What for?”

            “A Killers concert,” Jay says.

            “Nice. Remember that, uh, that Red Jumpsuit Apparatus concert we went to?”

            “Yeah!” Lenny says. “That was fucking awesome.”

            “Yeah, good times,” Rusty says with a sigh.

            “Have you been to any concerts recently?” Jay asks.

            “No, I haven’t really done much in a while,” Rusty says. “Just playing video games and watching TV and working at fucking Wal-Mart.”

            Jay’s eyes drift over to the couch again. Frankie and Jeremy haven’t moved since he came in, and for all he knew, they might not move all night.

            “Same here,” Lenny replies. “I haven’t done anything in like three fucking months.”

            The next day they’ll probably be there in the same position. Perhaps they might contemplate briefly about leaving the couch, but then realize that there is no point to getting up in a city like this, and remain there for a week.

            “There’s just nothing to do here,” Rusty says. “It’s all bars and stores.”

            A month will pass and they will still be on that couch, staring at the ceiling that is beginning to mold. After college, Chris may return to this house for another party, and find that everything is in the same place as it always has been.

            “It’s the fucking politicians, man,” Lenny says. “They just take all the life out of the city and cow the people so that they won’t say anything about it.”

            The two will decay together as their flesh begins to fuse with the fibers until they finally become part of the couch, a foundation that the later generation will build on. This legacy and tradition of sloth shall be upheld by the children in this city for years to come.

            “Fuck this,” Jay says. He climbs the stairs as Lenny and Rusty stare at him with confused looks.

            As Jay is walking to his car, he hears his name being called, and turns his head to see Lenny trying to catch up with him. He stops and faces Lenny, his feet in the crisp autumn grass.

            “What the hell was that?” Lenny says. “You just leave the party without so much as a goodbye. You don’t just say ‘fuck this’ and leave your friend’s party.”

            “Rusty is your friend, not mine,” Jay says. “None of those people are my friends.”

            “What do you mean ‘those people’?  Because they’re not as rich as you are?”

            “No!” Jay says. “Because they enjoy living in this shithole city. Because they don’t do a god damn thing besides lie on the couch and watch – ”

            “What the fuck are they supposed to do instead, Jay?” Lenny retorts. “Huh? What are they going to do?”

            Jay doesn’t reply.

            “Or better yet, what do you do that makes you so much better than the rest of us,” Lenny says. Jay doesn’t say anything. He just looks down at his shoes as Lenny waits for an answer.

            “I’m sorry,” Jay says with his head still down. “I…I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t care if you guys are rich or poor. I just…I don’t know. I don’t want to be here.”

            Lenny is silent for a bit, looking at Jay.

            “I’ll let Rusty know you didn’t mean to offend him,” Lenny says. “And I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning for the trip.”

            “Thanks,” Jay replies. “I’ll get some snacks on the way back.”

            “Cool,” Lenny says.

           

            All Jay could think about on the drive home is how many years he’s wasted in this city. The only interesting thing that ever happened here was when the presidential candidates came to speak here. But it wasn’t because of Toledo’s so-called prominence, but because Toledo was a “swing-vote” city, where the voters could go either way. So when Bush won the re-election, did he ever come and visit again? Hell, no. Why should he care about Toledo? Why should anyone care?

            Jay passes a Wal-Mart and a Kroger’s. He keeps driving when he sees a couple gas stations. Hopefully this road will lead me out of here, Jay thinks. Hopefully I can take this road for as long as it goes and never turn back.

           

            The alarm clock screeches at 8 o’clock, provoking some irritation from the covers. Lenny beats the alarm clock with a lazy fist until the siren is cut off abruptly. He sits up on the bed and rubs his eyes, trying to return to the real world. He wants to stay asleep, living in the world of his mind, but every morning he makes the painful decision to leave, knowing that it is not meant to be. He looks at himself in the mirror, his long brown hair going in different directions, his facial hair starting to get longer. Need to shave, he thinks. Ladies like clean face.

            After mostly waking up in the shower, Lenny moves downstairs to search for food. The kitchen is empty; his dad has already gone to work. Grabbing the pop-tart from the cupboard, he considers heating it, but doesn’t feel like waiting for breakfast so he just eats it cold.

            As he is sitting down with the crumbs of his breakfast falling on the table, he begins to think about what Jay had said last night. Toledo is a shithole, he thinks, but it’s not as bad as Jay seems to believe. There’s the art museum, even though I have no interest in art. There’s the baseball stadium, but I’m never interested in our local teams anyway.

            He takes another bite of his pop-tart. Even though people like Frankie and Jeremy don’t make great decisions, he thinks, there are some pretty good people here. So it’s not all bad. But it’s still a boring city.

            Lenny moves outside into the crisp morning air, the sun just barely rising over the rows of homes. Today’s the day, he thinks, glancing down at the shirt he is wearing that has the Killers logo. He looks around at the familiar houses that he has seen since childhood, knowing that they will be there when he comes back, but nevertheless gives them a final look. As he moves towards his car on the street, he considers doing the hood slide like the Dukes of Hazzard, but then decides to save it for when he picks up Jay.

            Lenny gets into his car, a black 1991 Buick Regal Limited that he had managed to get at an affordable price. He starts up the car and then shifts into gear. Yet he does not go anywhere.

            “What the hell?” Lenny says to himself, checking to see that he is in gear. The shifter was in position. He tries shifting to another gear. Nothing changes. Feeling his stomach grow uneasy, he shifts it again into drive. Nothing happens. Lenny kills the engine.

            “Fuck!” Lenny shouts, banging his head on the steering wheel in frustration. He climbs out of the car, slamming the door on his way out, and grabs the phone in the kitchen.

 

            Jay pulls up to see Lenny peering into the engine of his car, several wrenches and rags lying on top of the silent engine. He pulls his car behind Lenny’s and gets out.

            “Hey, Lenny,” he says without much enthusiasm in his voice.

            “Hey, Jay,” Lenny responds, sighing in frustration. “So like I said, the thing wasn’t shifting into gear. After I called you, I looked under the car,” Lenny says as he kneels down, “and saw this.” His finger points to a large dark spot underneath the car’s engine.

            “That’s probably transmission fluid,” Jay says. “Did you fill it back up?”

            “I did,” Lenny says, “but it still wouldn’t shift. I tried about three times and nothing.” Lenny sits up, slapping the dirt off his pants. He gives another sigh; his gaze turns upwards for a second before it turns back on the car.

            “Was the fluid still good?” Jay asks.

            “Fluids don’t go bad, Jay. They’re not like milk or meat.”

            “Well, then something else is wrong,” Jay says. Lenny grit his teeth a little, almost unwilling to accept Jay’s statement.

            “Just fucking great,” Lenny says. “Not only do I get to miss the Killers’ concert, I also have to pay for a new transmission that I can’t afford.” He kicks the tire of the car hard. Then he moves towards Jay with a little limp in his step.

            “Alright, we’ll need to take your car,” Lenny finally says.

            “I can’t. That’s my parents’ car and they won’t let me take it on a big road trip.”

            “Well then how the fuck are we supposed to get to Chicago, Jay? My dad is at work so I can’t use his car!”

            “We could take the train.”

            “That’ll never work,” says Lenny. “By the time the train gets here and to Chicago, the concert will be over.”

            “What about the bus? Megabus? Greyhound?”

            “Megabus leaves at five in the fucking morning and doesn’t get back until midnight. And we probably won’t be able to find a Greyhound to get us there in time.”

            “Don’t you have any friends with cars?” Jay says, his voice louder now.

            “Everyone’s either at work or takes the bus,” Lenny replies at the same volume. “What about your friends?”

            “They’re all at college,” Jay says, his body feeling heavier now. He glances around at the neighborhood, hoping to get some answers. The houses surround him like prison walls, and he feels like they are closing in. He bites his lip and looks at his feet while his body struggles with something inside it that makes him fidget.

            “Alright, we’ll take my parents’ car,” Jay finally says.

            Lenny nods and begins throwing the tools back into the wooden box and closing the hood of his car. Jay gets into his parent’s car and starts the engine while Lenny puts the tools away and locks the house. With both men in the car, they make their way out of the neighborhood and onto South Detroit.

            Jay feels his stomach grow a little queasy, almost hearing his parents’ voices in his head. He thinks hard about the concert and how awesome it will be in Chicago. That seems to help his stomach. He looks over at Lenny, who is looking ahead at the road. Jay feels that if Lenny is driving, they will be going a lot faster.

            Jay wants to go faster as well. He doesn’t want to miss this concert. It is the only thing that is getting him out of Toledo. His thoughts turn to the party last night, all of those people sitting around as life passed them by. He feels his mouth form into a frown, thinking about how some of them had dropped out of high school or graduated and didn’t do anything afterwards.

            He thinks about the nights he spent with Lenny and those people sitting on the couch and watching MTV for a couple hours before going home. He remembers buying clothing from Hot Topic when he saw Lenny’s friends wearing them.

            Biting his lip, he thinks about what he has done with his life after graduation, and his lack of enthusiasm at finding a job. He thinks about his time working at K-mart before quitting and going back to Lenny’s and watching MTV for a couple of hours.

            As he turns onto Reynolds road and sees the overpass for the Ohio Turnpike, Jay feels like getting to Chicago is his last chance at redemption.

            Grabbing the ticket from the toll booth, Jay merges onto the highway with Lenny looking out the window now, watching Toledo pass from his sight. Jay can see from the window’s reflection that Lenny is grinning as he watches the condos pass by. A loud bang is heard from the front left wheel, then the back left wheel. The car begins swerving left to right. Jay grips the steering wheel like a vice, trying to regain control. “Oh god.” They feel a sudden jerk as the car shoots into the medium. “Oh my god!”

            Jay and Lenny see the car’s front diving into the ground. Then with a violent shock, it is facing the sky.

 

            The red car sits in the medium under the damp grey sky as the two men climb out of their seats and examine the damage. The axle has snapped and the wheels are facing in odd directions. Towering electrical poles run along the highway as they grasp wires that fence-off the sky.

            “No,” Jay says. “No no no no no…this can’t be happening.”

            “It was an accident,” Lenny says. “Your parents will understand.”

            “It’s not just that,” Jay says as he looks towards Chicago. “I finally thought we’d get out of this city.”

            “Christ, will you stop being such a whiny little bitch about this?” Lenny says as he shakes his head. Jay turns towards Lenny and glares at him.

            “What did you say?”

            “You heard me,” Lenny says, facing Jay. “All I ever hear from you is how much Toledo sucks and how you want to leave. I understand that, I live here. But you refuse to enjoy any part of this place. What about our high school friends? What about our families? Do the memories here mean nothing to you?”

            “Why the hell are you defending this place?” Jay yells as he takes a step forward.

            “You’re missing the point,” Lenny retorts. “I don’t like it here either, and I want to leave this city too.” Lenny takes a step forward. “But you’re making it worse than it actually is. This isn’t hell. This is our home, like it or not, and you’re never going to be able to escape it!”

            They glare at each other in silence as the cars pass them by, one side going to Toledo, the other to Chicago. The sky is becoming gray above them as the tall, unkempt grass brushes their legs. In the distance the sound of sirens is growing.

 

            The house is quiet and dark when Jay opens the door. He throws his coat over the nearest chair and moves into the kitchen. There are several messages on his answering machine. He presses the button and listens to the machine state the incorrect time the person had called.

            “Hey, Jay, it’s Dad. Just calling to see how you’re doing. I talked to the mechanic and he said that mom’s car is going to cost a lot to repair, so we’re thinking about scraping it and buying a new one. Anyway, I’ll talk to you more about it later. Okay, bye.”

            The answering machine lets out a sour note before moving on to the next message.

            “Hey, Jay, it’s Lenny. Just calling to see if you’d like to hang out sometime. Call me back whenever. Bye.”

            The machine releases another sour note before drifting into silence. Jay looks out the window at the gray sky. It might actually rain today, or at least that’s what the news said this morning. Jay grabs a soda from the fridge and moves into the living room. He picks up the remote from the end table, flops down on the couch, and turns on the TV. 

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hello, there

So I have started a Blogger account. Goody for me.

I'm going to try and do things differently here. I already have a webcomic at awesome-jeff.livejournal.com and at prettyjeff.com so I'm not going to upload the same strips to Blogger. I already have information about my life on my Facebook account (oh, and Myspace but I rarely check that). I do not like redundancies.

I think here I will try and upload some poems and short stories. My professor for Fiction Writing suggested that I keep writing since my story for class was good, but I need to practice. I feel that my writing will be stronger if I know that other people are going to be reading it (or could be reading it).

Let's see where this goes.